Welcome to whatever is on my mind!

Some people use the term "nonsense" but I prefer to use the phrase "uncommonly sensed" because it's more reflective of creative types.

Monday, July 20, 2015

How to Kick Monday in The Butt

I’ve been a little busy these past few months. Mostly I’ve been writing books, but I’ve also been reading a lot and doing some research. With so little extra time on my hands, I lost patience with Monday for being difficult. We all know that Monday is the day when Evil peaks (more heart attacks occur on Mondays, more deaths happen on that day of the week, and bad news usually arrives in Monday mail like it’s been stalking us all weekend waiting for the perfect moment to spring upon us).

I’ve been too busy and don’t have time for Monday’s nonsense. While I like to think that kicking Monday in the butt is a super power, it’s really something that anyone can do with the right training and equipment. So here’s my secret formula.

1. Wear sensible heals: the pointy kind. Unless, of course, you want Monday to be able to get up easily after you strike the first blow. Plus you’ll look awesome, and when you’re wearing a great pair of shoes you will feel better about yourself and have more energy. This includes men - remember that great shoes can take you farther than you can imagine.

2. Stay away from jerks. I know that on Mondays jerks are like zombies at a brain buffet, but people who like to make other people miserable will waste your time, and you don’t have time to be miserable - so avoid the source of misery. You’ll get more done.

3. Get up early before Monday knows that you’re awake. You see, Monday expects you to hit the snooze several times, so you can take it by surprise.

4. Eat something with rainbow sprinkles on it. I often tell people that sprinkles are little happy pills, and these can boost your mood no matter how bad things seem at the moment. It’s not easy to be depressed when you’re eating something so colorful.

Finally, at the end of the day remember that Margarita and Monday both start with M for a reason. Celebrate your victory.

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

How To Write a Book in 3 Easy Steps

I get asked a lot of questions about writing. One of the most common inquiries is from people who want to write a book but don't know how to do it. So I've come up with 3 easy steps for guidance.
1. Get a typewriter or computer with a word processor.
2. Vomit words onto a page.
3. Arrange the words so that they look appetizing.
Repeat steps 1 through 3 as needed until you have a novel length manuscript.

See how easy this is? Some people choose to ignore the third step, but I find this part to be the most critical. Good luck!

Thursday, March 26, 2015

How To Be Awesome

It's easier than you think. Here's how to do it:
1. Go to bed early. It’s important to get plenty of rest so that your mind is alert.
2. Wake up early. The longer you sleep in, the less awesome there will be for you because everyone else will have gotten it first.
3. Drink a strong cup of coffee. It takes energy to be awesome and coffee is fuel for awesomeness.
4. Eat a light but nourishing breakfast. Again, you need fuel, but heavy meals will weigh you down and keep you from reaching the height of awesomeness.
5. Take a dog for a long walk before doing anything else. A public location with plenty of things to smell is ideal, such as a park or an area where people and/ or animals have been recently.
6. Feed the dog.
7. You are now awesome and ready to start your day.

How to I know that this works?
Because I’ve been doing this routine for years and every day when I get home from walking my dog and feed her she looks at me and says, “You’re awesome!”